i have to go to the doctors today, and i am in such a tizzy because of it. i am terrified of the lady doctor. not just your average hey-that's-uncomfortable-and-kind-of-sucks feeling, but ab-so-fucking-lutely terrified. as in, i cry before during and after. as in, i take multiple ativan prior to being violated. as in, i hate going more than anything. as in, my last appointment was 5 years ago, i hate it so much.
and yet, i am trying hard to be an adult. i am trying to learn the value of preventative medicine, and am attempting to go to the doctor before anything seems serious.
on the other hand. i am totally convinced that i have cancer, and that the only thing that these tests are going to reveal is cancer, with maybe some other cancer-esque side dish as a bonus.
and besides all that, the appointment itself is torturous. your legs are in stirrups, for fucks sake, while your most private area is being probed and violated with an instrument I can only liken to something from the Spanish Inquisition. boys - do you know what a speculum is? no? look it up, right now. I dare you. yeah, thats right. we're not fuckin' around. now imagine that metal instrument de torture being poked in your holiest of holies, all in the name of medicine. NO. THANK. YOU.
now i see why so many men have convinced themselves that their appointment w/ Dr. Finger isn't at age 30, but at 40. I don't blame ya, dudes. avoid invasive "medicine" for as long as possible...
and yet, i am trying hard to be an adult. i am trying to learn the value of preventative medicine, and am attempting to go to the doctor before anything seems serious.
on the other hand. i am totally convinced that i have cancer, and that the only thing that these tests are going to reveal is cancer, with maybe some other cancer-esque side dish as a bonus.
and besides all that, the appointment itself is torturous. your legs are in stirrups, for fucks sake, while your most private area is being probed and violated with an instrument I can only liken to something from the Spanish Inquisition. boys - do you know what a speculum is? no? look it up, right now. I dare you. yeah, thats right. we're not fuckin' around. now imagine that metal instrument de torture being poked in your holiest of holies, all in the name of medicine. NO. THANK. YOU.
now i see why so many men have convinced themselves that their appointment w/ Dr. Finger isn't at age 30, but at 40. I don't blame ya, dudes. avoid invasive "medicine" for as long as possible...
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