one block...

most mornings, when i get off the bus, i just breathe. deep, full breaths. on the short walk between the bus stop and my office, i breathe in as much of the crisp clean morning air that i can, so much that sometimes i become lightheaded - all because i know that once i reach the door, i have to go inside the ugly building and stay trapped in my windowless office, void of fresh air, for the next 9 hours, the better part of the day.

it ain't easy...

i don't know how, what with worrying about my sister-in-law who fainted and had a weird seizure and my uncle who had a heart attack last week and is still in the hospital and the plans this weekend that i know are going to change last minute and F the whole thing up and the high cholesterol i found out i have which means i can't eat anything i regularly eat and the bank account that is 60-something dollars overdrawn and the purse that i made last night with a too-long strap (WHO would EVER think to make a strap that long??? shit is almost swinging at my knees) that i had to put on 3 times because i have dyscalculia and the directions get mixed up in my head and the strap ended up inside the lining of the bag TWICE and the MASSIVE pile of student files on my desk that need to be logged and the fact i have to pee BAD because i drink obscene amounts of coffee in the wee hours at work just so i don't pass out from the previous night's insomnia or the sheer boredom of logging MASSIVE amounts of student files, but SOMEHOW i managed to get the majority of my work done this morning, and then once i was done was handed MORE work and am in serious crunch-time-get-shit-done-before-the-DHL-guy-comes-to-pick-up-the-packages-that-aren't-ready-yet-because-you-haven't-made-them-yet-because-you-are-too-busy-writing-this-blog-entry-and-trying-not-to-pee-your-pants-from-all-the-coffee but you'd better get them done because after that you have to log the rest of the MASSIVE amounts of student files and have a meeting with your boss that you still haven't prepared for and be available for drop-in advising for the students that will be here at 1pm holy shit that's only 10-no wait-9 minutes from now and don't forget that according to labor laws you still have to squeeze an hour long lunch in there somewhere for which you have no money since you are overdrawn and can't eat anything since you have high cholesterol and an hour long lunch is a giant waste of time anyhow, because of course in your Gen Y mind it makes so much more sense to just work 8 hours straight and cut out at 4, but NO that's not allowed.

see? i told you it ain't easy livin' in this head.

TMI. (an unpleasant post.)

i have to go to the doctors today, and i am in such a tizzy because of it. i am terrified of the lady doctor. not just your average hey-that's-uncomfortable-and-kind-of-sucks feeling, but ab-so-fucking-lutely terrified. as in, i cry before during and after. as in, i take multiple ativan prior to being violated. as in, i hate going more than anything. as in, my last appointment was 5 years ago, i hate it so much.

and yet, i am trying hard to be an adult. i am trying to learn the value of preventative medicine, and am attempting to go to the doctor before anything seems serious.

on the other hand. i am totally convinced that i have cancer, and that the only thing that these tests are going to reveal is cancer, with maybe some other cancer-esque side dish as a bonus.
and besides all that, the appointment itself is torturous. your legs are in stirrups, for fucks sake, while your most private area is being probed and violated with an instrument I can only liken to something from the Spanish Inquisition. boys - do you know what a speculum is? no? look it up, right now. I dare you. yeah, thats right. we're not fuckin' around. now imagine that metal instrument de torture being poked in your holiest of holies, all in the name of medicine. NO. THANK. YOU.

now i see why so many men have convinced themselves that their appointment w/ Dr. Finger isn't at age 30, but at 40. I don't blame ya, dudes. avoid invasive "medicine" for as long as possible...

as if you needed more proof that I'm a crazy cat lady...

i went to a party the other night where there were more kids than adults. i think my sister and i were the only females in attendance who hadn't squeezed one out yet. it was slightly disconcerting.

but, to tell you the truth, i got home and had two sweet kitties sniffing and cuddling me- and i was totally content.

romping around...

i don't know who can pull off that Romper crap, but it sure as shit isn't me.

not only was the thing totally up my butt (standing still mind you - i imagine that had i bent over to pick something up, or done something totally active, like, oh i don't know, BLINK, that it would have ripped me in two - business end first) but throw a tool belt on me and i look like i'm about to go assist with some house building. or, add a goofy hat and some roller skates and i can deliver those burgers and shakes to your car, sir. would you like fries with that?

i guess you just have to be one of those daddy-long-legs broads to look great in a romper. girls with freakishly long torsos who buy their jeans in the *short* section Need Not Apply.

a martha-stewart kind of weekend...

last weekend i caught the crafty-1950's-housewife bug, and all of a sudden i was pinning and stitching, chopping and grilling, wearing an apron and whipping up dishes like the atomic bomb was on it's way. i even hosted my sister and sears for 4th of July fun in the evening.

here are some pictures of selected weekend projects...

mushroom-swiss buffalo burgers


strawberry shortcake
(i only made the compote. angels food mini bundt cakes are a little out of my league...)


i have officially dubbed my sangria *best on the west coast* (humble, i know.)
and YES, that is fresh grown basil from my patio garden as garnish. thank you for noticing.



two-hour tote bag
(my name for it. the book suggested *one-hour*, but obviously that's just crazy talk. i had to make handles, for fuck's sake!)
the bag is a birthday gift. here's to hoping the recipient isn't one of my 4 readers.


pS - i've been totally useless since then. house-wifing is exhausting!

iBlah-g...

from a few days ago...

so. here I am, sitting on my patio trying to learn how to work this damn iPhone. we'll see if this actually works. or if I end up returning it within the week...

here is a picture of me, through the lens of the new phone. the film is still on, of course, since a.) I'm totally neurotic and will leave it on forever and b.) they were sold out of the anti glare screen protector I wanted. damn cr-apple.

*sigh*

Not So Easy...

Dear Easy Spirit "Hulat" in brown (size 8),

On the outside, I was not excited to purchase you. Easy Spirits? Come on. Didn't my grandma wear those? My nurse aunt? On the inside, I was secretly jumping for (well-cushioned) joy. I am 30 now, after all, and should be allowed to wear comfortable shoes. I can forego the age old adage I used to live by - *Fashion Before Comfort*, in lieu of shoes that don't make me shrivel into a whimpering ball of girl upon arriving home and tearing the torturous monsters from my feet. I no longer have to cringe with every step. This is my god-given right as a 30-year-old-dare-I-say-woman, who has suffered through years and years of squeezing my poor size 8's into smaller sizes and crippling high heels. Right? Right.

You were easy on the wallet ($19.99 at Marshall's), which I can definitely appreciate during these tough financial times. And you are also surprisingly easy on the bunions, which (despite the connotations of buying Easy Spirits should imply) I did not entirely expect. For this, I thank you.

However. I must say, you are not so easy on the heels. My poor heels, which started out the day soft, white and supple, are no more. They are in pain. They are red. They are sore. They are currently wearing the spare pair of shoes I keep under my desk in case of emergencies such as this.

Furthermore, you are not exactly easy on the ears either, announcing my presence as you squeak your way up and down the halls of my building. I admit, on occasion I have been known to appreciate some measure of attention - in the right situations, of course. I do not though, like to call attention to myself through noisy footwear. I'm sure you understand.

That being said, I would have to say that you are not Easy on my Spirit. Such a shame. I had such high hopes.

Sincerely,

My Feet

Note*** Out of consideration for my readers, I have refrained from posting the picture of my red and mangled heels.

MIA...

enjoying the night lights on my newly outfitted patio...

i wish i wish i wish...

oh, what i wouldn't do for this handmade vintage style handbag from etsy. unfortunately, at $105, it's definitely Out Of My Budget.


gorgeous though, right?

sad but true...

every morning i wake up, optimistic. i think, "today is the day that i'm not going to have a beer. i can definitely skip having a beer today."

and then by the time 5 o'cock rolls around, i'm done. the optimism is gone.
and i'm ready for an f'ing BEER.

today's prey:

and

cheers!

from siberia, with love...

last night the russian and i watched сибирский цирюлъник (The Barber of Siberia). it was so good! it actually made me miss watching interesting foreign movies when i was a film major...

...andrey and jane...

even if you aren't into subtitles you should enjoy it, since about half of the movie is in english. i highly recommend it! a very cute, funny and heartbreaking love story. хорошо!

добро пожаловать!

it appears i have some new readers - welcome! hope you are enjoying your peek into my head :)

delectable insect-able...

i ate grasshoppers last night at my SAL gals bday din. they were delish. crunchy, slightly sour, and almost wood tasting. i am having a hard time placing the exact taste actually - but this will get easier the more exotic things i try.




my dream of becoming the female anthony bourdain is beginning to be realized...

what's next? scorpion skewers? moose balls? owl's brains? or just whatever i can find in the oh-so-unglamourous and un-exotic san jose? (<------ i think it's the latter.)

ingrid michaelson...

have i found my doppelganger...?



www.myspace.com/ingridmichaelson

valentines, dip and hawthorne...

for the superbowl, i made 6-layer dip. refried beans, sour cream, cheese, olives, tomatoes and avocado. (what is the 7th layer???) i threw in a handful of chopped onions, just in case. so i guess it was 6 1/2 layer dip. either way, it was delicious. and it was, of course, the highlight of the day, as neither the russian nor i actually give two figs about football. he watches the superbowl for the commercials - i watch it for the food and beer.


friday i left work early and came home to make valentines...


it's a good thing i only have a few friends, 'cause as much as i enjoy making cards, that shit takes Forever, and kills my back. i had to take a soma with a glass o' whine once i was done.

tonight i finished reading Nathaniel Hawthorne's The House of the Seven Gables. while the story turned out to be okay, i'm not sure that it was as good as the cover led me to think it would be...

still - i would recommend it, if you are in the mood for a lot of wordy description and very little dialogue. just don't get mislead by the cover - it's not as mysterious or creepy as you might think... i guess it's my fault though - i am notorious for judging a book by it's cover (literally).

rain, rain, go away...

ummm, doesn't The Weather know that it is Not Allowed to rain on my birthday???

chew on this...

when my mom turned 30, she had a 9 year old, a 5 year old and a 1 year old.

i'll be 30 in 2 weeks.

i have 2 cats.

i'm okay with it - it's just weird.

can i handle the truth?

myspace now has an app called the *truth box*. just for fun, i decided to install it. a month later, i finally figured out how to retrieve the messages. besides the test message i sent myself ("i think you are just fine and dan-dee...") there were three others.

there is the expected perverse reply - "i want to grab that ass! :0)"

the pervert who put a little more effort into it - "I want to wear you like a feed bag and eat that sweet poon tang like it's my last meal on earth!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !" ahhh. i always do appreciate some good 13-year-old-boy sense of humor.

and my personal favorite, because it's the most hurtful (or at least the most annoying) which to me means the most honest, i suppose - "the beach is overrated. just like your default picture"

huh. possibly true. the beach is overrated - i agree with that. but as for the picture - i'll let you decide...

three things (plus one)...

1. i have no idea why borders is selling kitchen towels, but i bought these today. so cute! and even better - half off!



hades is enjoying them too.



2. keanu reeves is a terriible, TERRIBLE actor. (the russian is watching point break...)

3. i bought this yesterday.


i'm officially OLD.



pS - my feet were killing me on new years. i seriously felt crippled. Torture!!!


otherwise though, the night was gorgeous!

in no particular order...

a few resolutions, if you will...

drink less

complain less

stop worrying about what other people think

worry less in general

be less selfish

stop being late to everything!

call my mom more often

have more fun! truly enjoy and experience life

write more

exercise (duh.)

eat more vegetables

and finally...

get my shit together and my head out of my ass

happy new year. now go make your own list!