Saturday, August 2, 2008

A Tribute to Vice, pt. 1 - The Joys of Chew (or, Oh, That Wacky Tobaccy!)

i love vice. really, i can't help it. (that's probably actually physically true at this point. i've been *vice-ing* too long for my emotions to be the only part of my body that's addicted.)

and of course, like anyone else, i have my vices of choice. never cigarettes, although my fascination with the 1920's, flappers, and speakeasies makes that a tough one. i am a fanatical anti-smoker, annoying and harassing those poor unfortunates who deign to perform their disgusting vice in my presence. i do however, love a good fake-smoke. give me my LA dodgers lighter and a Capri 120 (those are the long, "glamorous" ones) anyday, and i will fake-smoke my ass off. cigarettes are just such a great prop, ya know? i've always said that you can never feel alone with a cigarette. a pretty bold statement for a non-smoker, wouldn't you say? ;-)

true to my contradictory nature though, i love a good chew. filthy, i know, but holy moly! for someone who is totally sickened by cigarette smoke and consequently has never experienced the joys of nicotine, a mouthful o' tobaccy, for even just a minute or two, is a truly all-consuming-and-totally-addicting experience. of course, i'm a total sissy about it, and purchase the pouches (heaven forbid i actually swallowed any of the stuff!), and always of the Mint variety. no chew is complete without a beer (PBR in a bottle is my personal favorite - they complement each other so well) and a plastic cup to spit in. tip for beginners - use the cup only until you are done with your first beer. after that, you (of course) use the bottle to spit in. woe betide the person that gets drunk-and-dizzy-and-altogether-so-mixed-up that they interchange the bottles though! i think a sip or even a whiff of the spit from your own chew might be enough to reform you.

you'd think that a series of pictures of me, shot while undertaking a chew in public, with my family, at my cousin lindsey's wedding, (with a Michelob, of all beers!) might be a bit of a deterrent also.

then again, maybe they just show how addicting vice is, no matter how truly disgusting you honestly think it is, once you've gotten the hang of it.

vice log for saturday, le 2 aout

over the course of the entire day, i have had...
2 cups of coffee
7 beers
1 ativan
2 vicodine

and there might be a soma to come, before i lay my head down to sleep...

still totally lucid and coherent though. not surprizing, considering the vice has been spread throughout the day.


huma said...

where do u get vicodine from?

have i ever told you how i was addicted to codine?

Ms. Hotpants said...

my sister and i were addicted to codeine cough medicine when we were little! was it the *cough sauce* for you, too? tell me all about it! maybe over beer and books?